Nursing is all shits and giggles. Until it's all shit.
"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the
excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have
suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ." Philippians 3:8
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Another First: CPR
I did CPR for the first time last month.
He was in his 40's.
He died.
Then I had to go on working for the next 12 hours. It was hard.
It was harder emotionally than I expected.
Then I beat myself up about being sad about it, and that only makes me sadder.
I'm not even sure if sad is the right word for it. Anxious? Sure. Mad? I guess. Stressed? Yeah.
I know nothing could have been done differently. I know we the nurses and the doctors did everything we were supposed to. I know it was a "good code with a bad outcome."
But sometimes when I close my eyes, I see him gasping for air. I see his eyes close for the last time. I smell his body odor on my hands. I can feel that last pulse in my fingers. I see asystole in that last second before I fall asleep.
Then I wonder why I do what I do.
Nursing is 85% boring repetitive work, 12% politics, and 3% absolute terror.
To those people who ask me if I like being a nurse, I do most times. As I said to someone once, "It's not what I expected. But it's better."
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7
He was in his 40's.
He died.
Then I had to go on working for the next 12 hours. It was hard.
It was harder emotionally than I expected.
Then I beat myself up about being sad about it, and that only makes me sadder.
I'm not even sure if sad is the right word for it. Anxious? Sure. Mad? I guess. Stressed? Yeah.
I know nothing could have been done differently. I know we the nurses and the doctors did everything we were supposed to. I know it was a "good code with a bad outcome."
But sometimes when I close my eyes, I see him gasping for air. I see his eyes close for the last time. I smell his body odor on my hands. I can feel that last pulse in my fingers. I see asystole in that last second before I fall asleep.
Then I wonder why I do what I do.
Nursing is 85% boring repetitive work, 12% politics, and 3% absolute terror.
To those people who ask me if I like being a nurse, I do most times. As I said to someone once, "It's not what I expected. But it's better."
"And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Flu Shot
Got my first ever in my life flu shot this week.
Basically got forced into it by work and grad school.
Work said if staff did not get the flu shot, then we would have to wear a mask within 4 feet of patients. I really don't care about that.
But, school said, if we didn't get the flu shot we would be kicked out of class. And I paid too much money for school to try and fight the system like that.
I have only one word to add to this discussion: Autonomy.
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." Proverbs 16:24
Basically got forced into it by work and grad school.
Work said if staff did not get the flu shot, then we would have to wear a mask within 4 feet of patients. I really don't care about that.
But, school said, if we didn't get the flu shot we would be kicked out of class. And I paid too much money for school to try and fight the system like that.
I have only one word to add to this discussion: Autonomy.
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones." Proverbs 16:24
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I/O cath
So I was helping to in and out cath this lady yesterday. I mean the nurse didn't want to do it, so I did it and she watched. I like to get my hands dirty, so I didn't mind helping.
I set up the sterile field, glove up, etc. You know. And I go in for the urethra.
The urine starts coming out, and she grabbed my boob. This old lady who can't pee grabbed my boob.
I thought she did it on accident, but then she said:
I used to have breasts like these.
Laughter ensued. Then she proceeded to caress my waist and breast until we were done.
"Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." Proverbs 5:19
I set up the sterile field, glove up, etc. You know. And I go in for the urethra.
The urine starts coming out, and she grabbed my boob. This old lady who can't pee grabbed my boob.
I thought she did it on accident, but then she said:
I used to have breasts like these.
Laughter ensued. Then she proceeded to caress my waist and breast until we were done.
"Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." Proverbs 5:19
100%
So I went back to school this semester to get my master's degree to become a nurse practitioner.
I really like it. But it's hard.
It is fun because in my patho class we learn about things I have seen in my practice but in much more depth.
The first patho exam was not fun. I failed actually. So disappointed.
I'm also taking Theory and Research 1. We are doing a research project that lasts this semester and next semester.
I'm doing mine on alcohol withdrawal and CIWA protocol.
I turned my midterm draft in this week. 100%.
I guess I am smart enough to be in grad school. I was worried about not being ready, especially after not doing well on that first patho exam.
I really like it. But it's hard.
It is fun because in my patho class we learn about things I have seen in my practice but in much more depth.
The first patho exam was not fun. I failed actually. So disappointed.
I'm also taking Theory and Research 1. We are doing a research project that lasts this semester and next semester.
I'm doing mine on alcohol withdrawal and CIWA protocol.
I turned my midterm draft in this week. 100%.
I guess I am smart enough to be in grad school. I was worried about not being ready, especially after not doing well on that first patho exam.
"And I have filled him with
the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge,
and in all manner of workmanship." Exodus 31:3
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Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Is It Raining?
Confused patient: Can I go out for a cigarette?
Me: No.
Confused patient: Oh, is it raining?
Me. Yes. Yes, it is.
It wasn't raining.
Reason #5486 to not smoke: even your confused brain craves it.
"And if it be not so now, who will make me a liar, and make my speech nothing worth?" Job 24:25
Me: No.
Confused patient: Oh, is it raining?
Me. Yes. Yes, it is.
It wasn't raining.
Reason #5486 to not smoke: even your confused brain craves it.
"And if it be not so now, who will make me a liar, and make my speech nothing worth?" Job 24:25
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Penis Blood
I got penis blood in my face last month.
I'm know, again, that I am immune to Hep B.
The patient didn't have anything bad either.
The other two nurses were not immune to Hep B, so they are getting the vaccination series now. They thanked me.
It still freaks me out a little. You know how many sharps I poke into people bodies everyday?
A lot.
"Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wing." Psalm 17:8
I'm know, again, that I am immune to Hep B.
The patient didn't have anything bad either.
The other two nurses were not immune to Hep B, so they are getting the vaccination series now. They thanked me.
It still freaks me out a little. You know how many sharps I poke into people bodies everyday?
A lot.
"Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wing." Psalm 17:8
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